Here’s a question for everyone… even those of you who don’t own cats, dogs, birds or crawlies.
Question: How does one deal with a terrified cat trapped in your house?
Answer: With the minimum length of a broomstick.
Now give yourself a big, fat zero, six stitches, a course of five rabies shots and eight weeks of pain and suffering if you didn’t get the answer right.
And there’s no need to be smug if you aren’t a cat person, because uninvited felines often find their way into petless homes in the hopes of a free meal or tasty treat. Which is exactly what happened to a friend recently. Only difference was her moggy’s dinner was the lure.
His food bowl took pride of place on a kitchen cupboard, because her pack of pooches would otherwise help themselves to the kitty chow when no one was looking. Furthermore, for logistical reasons the feeding station was below an open window – a convenience for the 12-year-old gentleman to hop in and out when nature called.
But of course, the best-laid schemes of mice and men often go awry, as happened early one morning last week. Still bleary-eyed from a good night’s rest, Lesley went to the kitchen to make herself a cuppa.
At that very moment, munching away at her cat’s dinner leftovers was a large, black and white cat burglar, who was also taken by surprise.
It is debatable who got the bigger fright – some say the cat did because as his adrenalin kicked in, he lunged toward the open window to make his escape, but was arrested by the net curtains, which got hooked in his lethal arsenal of razor sharp claws. On hearing the rumpus, four dogs arrived with sabres bared and bayonets fixed to fortify the allies against the invasion.
Their hysterical barking must have woken old Mr Sniggles who, like a blurry flash of fur and fury – an avenging angel leaping into action – landed on the hissing, spitting, squirming ball of ripped net curtains and cat.
The old boy’s only thought was to destroy the enemy and take no prisoners.
It was clear to Lesley a cat was about to die if someone did not intervene immediately.
So without thought for limb or life she went straight into the sharp end of the whirling mass.
In the heat of the moment the invader must have suspected an aerial attack, because he spun around and bit down on her hand with all his might, and finished the job by shredding her arm, before breaking loose and disappearing over the horizon.
Even hardened detectives would have been shocked by the crime scene.
Blood splatter, broken glass, coffee granules and cat fur told of attempted murder and a noble fight.
So next time you find a four-legged invader grabbing a bite, take my advice and vacate the area immediately – slam the door behind you and just wait for the fur to settle, because it may save you from a cat-astrophe. - The Mercury