London - After five years of tidying up Dolly’s mess, there’s part of me that will be glad to see the back of her. Dirty bowls, wet towels, muddy footprints and toys left all over the place.
And don’t get me started on the whole hair thing - tufts of her thick brown mop are strewn across the house, turning up everywhere from the bottom of the bed to the inside of a cheese and pickle sandwich.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m very fond of Dolly, it’s just that sometimes I feel too intimately involved with her everyday existence.
The good news is that because she’s a Labrador, rather than one of my three young daughters, there’s now something I can do about it - move her into a home of her own.
Of course, if I’m to ever persuade her adoring human family that their pampered pooch should be sent to the dog house, then she’s going to have to do it in style.
And so Dolly and I take a tour of a possible new home - a £3 000 (about R52 400) custom-built canine cottage that has just been launched on to the market.
From the exterior, there’s no chance of mistaking this perfectly proportioned structure for a bog-standard kennel. Everything from its porch to its cedar-shingled roof, from its paintwork to its bloom-filled window boxes, shouts country cottage, (albeit a bijou one that measures just 2.4m by 1.5m).
While there is a door for human visitors, entry for Dolly is strictly via a deluxe self-closing magnetic “dog-flap”. Once inside, it’s clear there has been no expense spared.
Not only is it as well insulated as a new-build house for humans, it’s also connected to the mains and boasts high-tech lighting and heating. For hounds of a particularly sensitive disposition, air-conditioning and under-floor heating are also an option.
As for the finish, there’s a beautifully spongy, easy-clean designer floor made of rubber by Pirelli (essential for those muddy post-walk paws).
The walls are adorned with shelves and pegs, offering sufficient storage for even the most spoilt mutt’s personal effects. I imagine Dolly here with her towel, treats, her whistle and lead all neatly stored.
And, I notice, the makers have even catered for diminishing that unmistakeable doggy smell that can permeate even the most houseproud dog-owner’s home. This little house has three windows, which can be opened to let in the fresh air if things get a bit whiffy.
All in all, the dog house could hardly be more delightful. But it is rather pricey.
This leads me to assume a Loyd Grossman-style voice and ask Simon Rees, the man behind The Dog Cottage Company, “what sort of a pooch is going to live in a house like this?” He answers with the tone of a man who believes he has cornered a new market.
“We think it would be perfect for the sort of family that has a secure garden and a dog or two but are out at work all day,” says the 47-year-old, whose range of three different-sized cottages was unveiled recently at The London Pet Show in Earl’s Court.
“Instead of having to come back in the middle of the day to let the dog out, they can leave them outside.
“With the dog cottage, there’s always somewhere for an animal to go if it rains - and because it’s properly insulated and heated they will never be cold like in a normal kennel.
“Also, as happened with my own dogs, some will find it so comfortable that they won’t want to come back inside the human house - it will become their permanent home.”
The main attraction is that all the mess stays outside. That’s what initially inspired Simon, a property developer, to design a kennel fit for the 21st century.
His two Labradors, nine-year-old Dudley, and Milo, seven, are outdoorsy dogs who like nothing better than to swim in the lake of the neighbouring golf course. During the muddy winter we’ve just had, the post-walk clean-up was becoming a time-consuming nightmare.
What was needed was somewhere for the dogs to dry off before being allowed inside - a sort of decontamination zone, if you like. “In the past , we’ve used the garage or a stable for that - then most recently, we bought a kennel,” he says.
“The trouble is that it wasn’t particularly well-made - it was thin and draughty, and the wind blew straight through it.”
Determined to come up with something more substantial and more suited to the garden of the beautiful country cottage in Berkshire where he lives with his wife Hester, Simon drew up a design and took it along to his local sawmill to knock up. Once back home with the basic frame, he used his construction knowledge to fit out the interior before adding the electrics and all the finishing touches.
The first cottage, big enough for the two labradors, proved an instant hit. “After a walk, the dogs go in there, dry off a bit and then, when you give them a rub with the towel, all the dirt just drops off,” says Simon.
“They quickly became so at home in it that they’ve been quite happily sleeping in it at night since we put it up at the end of last summer. Some nights it’s been so warm in there that come the morning I’ve found them lying outside on the patio.” Impressed with the results, Simon then built a smaller version - perfect for Hester’s pet sausage dog, a ten-year-old bitch called Biscuit.
“Biscuit is a bit of a princess, so sleeps inside our house at night,” says Hester, a therapist and life coach.
“But during the day she loves being out with the boys. If we go out, we leave them all outside and she’ll shoot back inside her house when she wants a bit of comfort.
“We built a little ramp so she can go up on to a raised camp bed where she can look out of the window to see who’s coming and going. Simon used to feel guilty about leaving the dogs out in case they were cold, but not any more.”
While initially a solution for their own dogs, visiting friends were so taken by the cottages that the couple, who between them have four grown-up children by previous marriages, decided to start producing them commercially.
Already they have notched up a number of sales - split between town and country dwellers.
“A typical order we’ve had came from a family in Putney,” says Simon. “A lot of these London houses have secure gardens at the back and they wanted somewhere the dogs could safely spend the day without the need for dog walkers or neighbours to let them in and out to go to the loo.”
For security, owners can lock the dogs inside the dog cottage should they wish - both the full-sized doors and the dog-flaps are lockable.
Prices for the little houses range from £1 950 to £2 950, depending on size, fixtures and fittings.
“Of course, you wouldn’t spend that sort of money on a shed,” observes Simon. “But these are not garden sheds, they are something that a dog can live in full-time. And at the same time, they look great. People are always telling us how lovely our summer houses are - they don’t realise they’re for the dogs.”
Research into the pet market threw up no similar products in the UK, but plenty in America. “Some of the American ones cost £20 000,” says Simon. “They are incredibly grand with columns - they look like stately homes. We like to think ours is a bit more of a homely version.”
So what does my chocolate lab Dolly - who has something of a nervous disposition - think of it?
At first, I’m slightly concerned about whether she’ll even venture inside. I recently splashed out £100 on the Rolls-Royce of dog beds, a hand-crafted affair as thick and cosy as a down pillow. But when she sat on it for the first time, the rustle from its cover spooked her so much that she wouldn’t venture back on it.
For that reason, I’m worried she won’t much like the dog-flap but, encouraged by a dog-biscuit, she’s soon barging in and out at will.
And after a bit of a play with Dudley and Milo it’s not long before she snuggles up on one of their beds for a bit of a lie down.
Given that reaction, I’m more than convinced that a home of her own could be what Dolly - and I - need.
That leaves us with one decision to make: what colour would we like?
As a rule, I rarely defer to Dolly on matters of interior design.
But as we jointly peruse the colour chart she seems strangely drawn to one of the exotically named shades of off-white.
Not Mouse’s Back or Elephant’s Breath - but Bone.
I’m happy to go with that, I tell her, on one condition: that when she moves in, she’ll be making her own bed in the mornings. - Daily Mail