#SexColumn: Long distance love

Date Night is an important part of maintaining a relationship. Picture: File

Date Night is an important part of maintaining a relationship. Picture: File

Published May 17, 2024


By Sharon Gordon

As we become part of the global economy, the world has become smaller. I know many couples who live in different cities and, often, different countries. Keeping a long-distance relationship intimate has its challenges.

Date Night is an important part of maintaining a relationship. Just because your significant other is situated hundreds of miles away (or in Pretoria), doesn’t mean that it has to end.

I have nine fabulous date night ideas for you long distance love.

One thing we have got going for us is modern technology. In my day when my husband was in Tanzania, we had to book a call to speak to each other and then, because of the costs, it was always about the burst geyser or broken gate. It was never sexy.

Today, we have Facetime Calling on a variety of apps. As long as you have access to the internet, you’re sorted. In the most remote parts of the world, access is available, so there is no excuse. Tech can help you close the distance.

Shared Movie Night is popular. You choose the movie you are both going to watch in real time. This may be a challenge with time zones, but you can work around it. Take turns on who has the early or late call. You don’t have to watch it on a call, but you can both show the movie lined up, make the popcorn and snuggle up. Take breaks, or not, and then, catch up afterwards.

One of the sexiest advances in tech is app-enabled adult toys. Cam entertainers use them to great effect. You can both have toys. You can take turns or have fun at the same time, if you are able to multitask.

For those of you who don’t know, the toys work on a command sent from an app. If you are connected on a Facetime call (who doesn’t like to watch), things can get steamy.

There are many models on the market for men and women. The experience can be different every time. It keeps the physical side of your relationship alive.

If you want to have a deeper understanding of your partner (no pun intended), you can do body maps for each other. If you don’t know what that is, go onto the Lola Montez site, and download the exercise.

You can also complete questionnaires that provide a structured way for partners to deal with intimate questions that, in turn, will strengthen emotional bonds. I’ll be posting a list of these on the Lola Montez Blog on Monday, at www.lolamontez.co.za.

You can also share an online journal which will help you stay connected. Share daily thoughts and experiences. Frustrations shared also lightens the burden. You can share videos, quotes and reflections. It’s cyberspace pillow talk.

If you’re the type, you can connect intellectually. This also works well with the good friend who moved to a small town in the Western Cape.

Start a mini book club. Choose the book you are both going to read. You each get a turn to pick. Share your thoughts. Many books have suggested questions at the end.

Go to an online exhibition together. Many museums and galleries are streaming online. You can even watch live concerts together. Chat about which pieces spoke to you and which you found odd or disturbing.

Take an online course together. Choose something you both find stimulating and are interested in. Doing a course with someone else makes you feel more connected. Who is battling with what? A shared learning experience will maintain your connection.

Game Tournaments. There are so many online games and quizzes available. You can make a day or evening out of it. You can stick to one game or several. If you’re competitive, then keep score and loser pays a penalty, which, naturally, is a sexual favour when they get home.

If you are tired or merely lack imagination, there are loads of books and card decks that have questions to keep discussion alive. This hold value even if you sleep in the same bed at night. You may not fancy all the questions but do try to answer them as truthfully as possible.

You can spice things up with good old-fashioned Truth or Dare. It will get you talking. Do try to be silly and not serious. Be conscious that your partner is far away and may be left insecure. It’s not meant to be harmful, so leave the hurtful stuff out.

Apart from the app-enabled toys (available from Lola Monteze), you can try sexting, watching erotic movies or reading erotica to each other. This will lead to using those toys I am talking about. Thank you, technology!

You could try an online dinner date. Cook the same meal, set the table, light the candles and be online. It can foster a sense of connection despite the physical distance.

There is nothing quite like receiving a care package. Fill it with home comforts, a treat or a naughty suggestion. It creates a sense of caring and presence, especially if the parcel contains something tangible that has a personal touch.

If you can maintain this while your partner is far away, I guarantee that you are doing more for your relationship than most couples living in the same space. My partner and I have been together for 22 years and do not live together. I believe it’s the reason we have lasted this long.

Give it a try. You’ve got nothing to lose.

Saturday Star