There are just so many ways women are shamed. For years we have taken it! We don’t speak up. Women have been encouraged to fear all sorts of rejection. I’m too fat, too ugly, thin, tall, short, flat-chested, big-chested, hairy, outy, inny and smelly.
Every fish joke about our genitals has us thinking that our genitals are dirty. Little wonder then we have such a difficult time experiencing pleasure.
When I was growing up, many years ago, sex education included a doughnut.
We were all encouraged to poke it with a finger or three, which I remember doing enthusiastically. By the end of the exercise, the doughnut was almost in pieces. Then came the slammer – If you become the girl that everyone has sex with, this is what your vagina will look like by the time you get married.
Can you imagine the horror and fear instilled in us?
I also remember a particularly inadequate lover asking me if I’d had an abortion because I felt too loose for him. Imagine? For years I tried to grip my vagina tighter. I didn’t realise that he was small, and it had nothing to do with me.
This week I’d like to address the myth of the tight vagina.
Do a quick Google search on the subject and you will see how often it is a concern.
Here are a couple:
‘Can too much sex make my vagina loose’
‘How do I know if my vagina is loose’
‘How do I know if I’m too loose’
‘How do I tighten my vagina’
‘My boyfriend says I’m too loose down there’
‘How to tighten your vagina with vinegar’ (don’t!)
Myth #1
I’ve already referred to it. The more sex you have the looser you will be. Such shame! (for those who don’t understand, I’m being sarcastic)
This myth is born out of a purity-centred ideology. Women must save themselves for their one and only. Whores and sluts, if you don’t. Men have none of this pressure.
So here is the truth. You can have sex with thousands of penises, and your vagina will not loosen. It has muscles and like every other muscle in your body, it can strengthen with exercise (hence kegel exercises). Sex will NOT loosen your vagina, but age will. Just like every other muscle.
With age, it will lose its elasticity, particularly after menopause when oestrogen levels drop.
Myth #2
Tighter vaginas are purer.
In some cultures, the entrance to the vagina is sewn up after clitoral circumcision. It has been outlawed in many countries but continues unabated.
Vaginal tightness has no bearing on your worth as a potential partner, a sexual being or indeed a human. If someone suggests it to you. Laugh at their misinformation and ask them whether every penis is equal. Penises come in varying sizes in both length or girth. Find the one that works for you.
Myth #3
Tighter vaginas make sex better!
For whom? The only person you are responsible for is you.
The truth is that one of the biggest problems in a sexual relationship is a vagina that is too tight. It’s usually a condition called vaginismus. Which is treatable if you suffer from it. The best sex is had when we relax. When we do that the vagina muscle tissue loosens and lubricates. Without it, sex can be very painful, and the tissue can tear.
For a woman, the more relaxed and wetter the better. If your partner wants tighter, use your hand or mouth. Nothing you do can make your vagina change what it is designed to do. Remember your pleasure is just as important as his.
Myth #4
Having babies makes your vagina looser.
There is some truth to this. Think about how much the vagina has to stretch to give natural birth. But fear not, it is temporary. Especially if steps are taken to help the perineum, vaginal walls and pelvic floor heal properly.
Many women tear during childbirth. This can affect the nerve paths but with exercises and healing, sex should continue to be as pleasurable as ever. Think about it. If you break your leg it gets put in a cast for at least 6 weeks. Then you have to exercise it if you want it to be as strong as it was before the injury.
Same for the vagina.
Myth #5
Vaginas smell of fish.
I can safely say that mine has never smelt of fish.
It can smell different depending on your menstrual cycle. You do have to keep it clean, so bacteria won’t grow and cause unpleasant odours. Do not clean the inside of the vagina.
This miraculous body part is like a self-cleaning oven. If you interfere with chemicals, you could destroy the natural PH balance. Simply wipe the vulva (the female external genitals) with a clean cloth.
I have to add that men suffer from the same condition. The difference is that we haven’t made jokes about it. Please clean behind your testicles and under the foreskin. You can smell worse than any woman.
I love my vagina. I know what she looks like, inside and out. She has given me endless pleasure and birthed my children. Her inner lining is getting thinner, and I have to look after her a bit better than I did in my youth. But being too loose, not my problem.
Saturday Star