Ever catch yourself having a full-on convo with yourself, either out loud or just in your head? Now that's what is called "self-talk." It's like having your own personal chat show, starring you!
Now, we're all pretty good at being polite and friendly when we talk to others, right? But have you ever stopped to think about how we talk to ourselves?
Turns out, our inner dialogue can be a bit of a meanie sometimes. It's like having a little critic living rent-free in our heads, and it can really mess with our mood and mindset.
Most of the time, talking to yourself is no biggie. But if you're doing it 24/7, it might be worth a second glance.
A study from 2019 in "Frontiers in Psychology" took a deep dive into why some folks are more likely to talk to themselves out loud.
If you're flying solo a lot, you might just be filling in the conversation gaps.
So, what's the deal with self-talk? It's like your own personal commentator, narrating your life story. It shapes how you see yourself and the world around you. It's that little cheerleader or critic that pipes up when you're trying on clothes or sweating through a job interview.
But where does this inner voice come from? Maya Rutstein, a psychology whiz and digital wellbeing guru, says it starts early.
Your childhood, life experiences, and even that pat on the back (or lack thereof) help mould your inner chit-chat.
And let's not forget the sneaky role of social media, making us compare our behind-the-scenes to everyone else's highlight reel.
Cultural and family expectations can also nudge that self-talk into cheerleader or critic mode. If you're feeling the pressure to hit life's milestones at warp speed, that can crank up the volume of negative self-talk.
On the flip side, when you're winning at life, your self-talk might just throw you a high-five.
Power of positive self-talk
According to expert Rutstein, the way we talk to ourselves can have a profound impact on our lives, influencing everything from our emotions to our actions.
Individuals who maintain a positive inner dialogue tend to exhibit greater confidence, productivity, and overall happiness.
According to Rutstein, self-talk shapes our perceptions and responses to a variety of situations. She points out that positive self-talk can significantly enhance mental well-being by reducing stress and anxiety, fostering a positive outlook on life, and instilling optimism in individuals, thus empowering them to pursue their goals.
Furthermore, positive self-talk is credited with boosting self-confidence and self-esteem, enabling individuals to confront challenges and pursue their aspirations without being hindered by self-doubt.
Rutstein highlights the role of positive self-talk in promoting resilience, enabling individuals to bounce back from setbacks and maintain motivation, ultimately empowering them to take risks and pursue new opportunities.
In addition to its psychological benefits, she also notes that positive self-talk has been linked to improved physical health, including lower stress levels, enhanced immune function and overall well-being.
This underscores the far-reaching impact of positive self-talk on both mental and physical health.
Dangers of negative self-talk
While positive self-talk can uplift and empower, negative self-talk can have equally powerful and detrimental effects on our mental and physical well-being.
Unchecked, it can lead to chronic stress, anxiety, depression and low self-esteem, exacerbating both mental health issues and physical ailments.
Expert Rutstein highlights the damaging impact of negative self-talk on personal and professional growth, often resulting in a defeatist attitude towards goals and aspirations.
She points out that negative self-talk can hinder individuals from pursuing opportunities and can strain relationships by projecting insecurities and negativity onto interactions with others.
Rutstein provides a relatable example, illustrating how negative self-talk can distort perceptions and lead to misinterpretations in social interactions.
A person's negative self-talk can lead them to perceive compliments as insults, further affecting their mindset and relationships.
In response to the prevalence of negative self-talk, Rutstein offers a ray of hope, outlining five easy steps to change the narrative and break free from the cycle of negativity:
Practise mindfulness: It starts with awareness. Become aware of negative self-talk as it occurs. Acknowledge these thoughts without judgement and gently redirect your focus to more positive or neutral thoughts.
Caught yourself feeling bad that the person on the treadmill next to you is running so much faster? Instead, think about how well you did to make it to the gym at all and how many excuses could have held you back, but didn’t.
Challenge and replace negative thoughts: Question the validity of negative self-assessments and replace them with positive affirmations or realistic assessments of situations.
Thinking about how you’re definitely going to mess up your job interview? Focus on all the ways you are qualified for the position.
Gratitude journalling: Regularly write down things you are grateful for or proud of about yourself. This can shift focus from negative to positive aspects of your life and self.
Surround yourself with positive influences: Engage with supportive friends, family, and content that uplifts you, reducing exposure to negativity that can feed into self-criticism.
And when they compliment you, accept the compliment instead of deflecting it with a negative counter-statement.
Set small, achievable goals: Accomplishing even little goals (making your bed every morning; not snoozing the alarm) can boost your sense of efficacy and foster a more positive dialogue about your capabilities and achievements.
Remember, if you want to be loved and respected by other people, it starts with how you show up for yourself.