Durban - Posting her husband’s alleged affair on social media may have been Sonia Booth’s way of dealing with shock trauma, but this may result in adverse consequences for the couple’s children.
This is according to Dr Marlene Wasserman, clinical sexologist and relationship expert popularly known as ‘Dr Eve’.
She believes the former model, author and businesswoman does not deserve to be judged as sharing her husband’s shenanigans on social media could have been done to get rid of her feelings of shame and blame.
This week Sonia shared the affair details of her soccer legend husband Matthew Booth with a married woman, Bongani Mthombeni-Moller, and more evidence was provided by strangers who spotted Matthew with his alleged mistress being cosy in public. “When you have that kind of shock trauma, there is no rationality that is present with you at the time,” Dr Eve said.
“When you are triggered, the rational part of your brain goes offline, therefore you are very reactive. You would do anything to get out of that shock state.”
Dr Eve explained that men and women often gave various reasons for infidelity. It could be boredom, loneliness, lack of intimacy or unhappiness with themselves.
Others long to have a spark and a big dose of dopamine. She said cheating also occurred as a sure way of ending a relationship, leading to couples blaming each other for acting in a risky manner.
“Also because they fell in love with somebody else, one does not want to forget that. They say they feel alive for the first time in many years and want to continue feeling that way, while others say they wanted out of the relationship but didn’t know how to,” she said.
“There’s no bigger dose of dopamine than an affair. It becomes something exciting to try, an escape from reality. People feel unseen, invisible and neglected and the moment somebody else turns their gaze on them they get entangled in a situation which feels too good to let go of.”
Dr Eve expressed concern for the couple’s children, saying they were now in the public eye for the wrong reasons and the traumatic impact would be long-lasting. “Perhaps they felt a sense of pride in their dad but now there is this shame.
They saw a very adult and private part of him which they shouldn’t have been allowed to see. It’s very unfair on the children,” she said.
Should the couple consider trying to fix the broken marriage, this would require intense therapy and transparency, Dr Eve said.
“There would need to be a real sense of ‘I’m able to see your hurt, I recognise the hurt that I’ve caused you, I acknowledge that my acting out has been a very painful experience for you and I’m willing to go into a process to be able to examine and look at what happened to me, to you and to us’ authentically from Matthew,” she said.
Matthew has denied the affair, saying he was disappointed that Sonia had resorted to airing unfounded allegations on public platforms with an intention to tarnish his name. He said the matter was with his attorneys and that the truth would prevail in due course.
SUNDAY TRIBUNE