Johannesburg - Being a father is a special process but it comes with challenges that manifest themselves in most men’s relationships.
One then needs to come up with ways to navigate that, something that is not always easy.
This was the topic of discussion in the Amatyma movement’s conversation between the founder and businessman Thato ‘TT’ Mbha and actor Cedric Fourie.
The pair spoke about how Fourie navigated his journey to fatherhood.
He said he believed it was important for parents to be present in their children’s lives.
“My belief is very simple – presence is key.
“The less present you are in my life, the more distant you become – emotionally, mentally, and physically.
“We have to spend time with our children because you want them to see the beauty and value that comes out of a family-orientated environment,” he said.
Fourie, who grew up in Pimville, Soweto, said he didn’t grow up with much.
Although his father died when he was young, Fourie shared that he did not have a recollection of him.
“My father died in 1995 and he was a gangster.
“I was eight years old at the time.
“I remember him but he never travelled alone because of who he was in the township of Soweto.
“Of all my brothers, ‘'m the one who’s got memories of my father because I spent a bit of time with him,” he said.
The father of one who is also a fitness fanatic stressed the importance of presence in one’s life because he never felt the presence of his dad much when he was young.
“With me, I never got that because I grew up missing a father who died when I was young and my mother had to pick up where he left off.
“A lot of us men are raised by single mothers and it’s shocking when men put their children through that by not being part of their lives,” he said.
To fathers who find themselves battling with how they raise their children, he said taking things as they come always works.
“We always look for a perfect solution to everything and we try to apply what we think is the perfect solution which may be based on an influence and exposure to things in life, as we are all a product of where we come from.
“However, take things as they come, and don’t aim for perfection.
“What I love about my relationship with my son is that he loves me.
“He is very attached to me,” he said.
A message he has to the present generation of fathers is for them to change the narrative and do better.
“You find a lot of men who become fathers when they’re not ready.
“They become good at their careers but they are weak fathers simply because they are not present in their children’s lives.
“Our generation of fathers has access to things that our fathers didn’t have, we’ve got ideas, we’ve got businesses, and we live next door to white people which was a dream to our fathers and their fathers.
“To us, it’s a big deal because we own property and as up-and-coming successful fathers, we want to set things right for those who are coming and say to them, ‘this stereotype of black fathers being awol is for us to challenge and change’,” he said.
This is a partnership between the Sunday Independent and Amatyma – seeking to highlight challenges faced by men in our society that prevent them from being supportive fathers, brothers, lovers and partners.