Schalk Bezuidenhout found himself reflecting on modern teenage life after what started as a simple conversation.
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Comedian Schalk Bezuidenhout did what most of us should not do. He spoke to a teenager, and now he has opinions, concerns and absolutely no peace of mind.
It started with what he thought was a simple conversation with a teenager through friends in Australia. Nothing deep, just curiosity about what the youth are up to these days. What he got instead was a mental image he is still clearly recovering from.
“Mense, I am worried about the teenagers. What the f*** are they up to? I’ll tell you what they are up to, drugs! They up to draks!” he says, fully committed to the panic and completely unconcerned about subtlety.
The humour lands because of how dramatically he frames it, but underneath the joke is a real shift that has been reported in youth behaviour trends globally.
The Australian Institute of Health and Welfare data from national surveys shows that a proportion of 14 to 19-year-olds have reported illicit drug use in recent years, while in South Africa, SACENDU treatment data shows that young people under 20 are represented in substance-related admissions.
The specifics vary, but the concern around early experimentation is consistent.
Bezuidenhout, however, is not delivering a research paper. He is doing what he does best, which is turn concern into comedy. “It made me realise we were so innocent as teenagers,” he reflects.
“Innocent” is doing a lot of heavy lifting here. According to him, teenage life used to peak as a peck in matric. That was the headline event. The scandal. The thing people would whisper about for weeks.
But let’s be honest, most of us were not that innocent because puppy love and drama started way before matric, sometimes even in primary school, so this “innocent teens” story is doing serious emotional gymnastics
He then compares it to today’s teenagers with the kind of exaggerated horror only a comedian can get away with. In his words, it is all “vaping, pomping, pomping while vaping.” Pomping means sexual intercourse, by the way. The real ones know.
Then comes his own teenage confession, which is far less dramatic than he seems to remember it being.
“The most trouble I was in was when a friend brought a hubbly bubbly, and we smoked it, and I got a massive hiding, and I wasn’t allowed to go out that weekend.”
That was the peak of rebellion. A weekend grounded and some life lessons delivered at home.
He adds that hookah culture has changed too, joking that it is no longer about flavours like blue mix but about whatever is going into the pipe now, with “vuil pyp” (flavour mixed with drugs) being the new concern in his version of events.
Locally, some people are still out here smoking hookah with their panraas (a flavour) and blue mix, especially where I am from.
He ends it the only way he knows how. “So, teenagers, good luck. You guys have a lot to navigate. Be safe out there and don’t do draks.”
And in case anyone needs translation, draks is drugs.