Sex column: Love on Ice? How cold weather and tight wallets can chill your libido (and what to do about it)

As winter settles in and the temperatures drop, many of us find ourselves reaching for extra blankets, steaming mugs of hot chocolate, and—let’s face it—remote controls rather than our romantic partners. It turns out, the combination of cold weather and financial stress doesn’t just impact our utility bills and grocery lists—it can also throw a wet blanket over our sex lives.

Don’t panic just yet. You’re not alone if your libido has gone into hibernation. Science, psychology, and even a bit of evolutionary biology can help explain why you might feel more inclined to cuddle your hot water bottle than your significant other when it’s cold outside and your bank account is giving you the chills.

Let’s unwrap what’s going on.

Baby, It’s Cold Outside—and Inside Too. First, let’s talk temperature. It’s not just your fingers and toes that are feeling frosty—your body’s entire system reacts to cold weather in surprising ways. According to a 2022 study in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, people report decreased libido in the colder months. I’d hate to be living in colder climates. I’m sure this accounts for their drop-in birth rates.

One reason? Our bodies are biologically wired to conserve energy in winter. With less daylight and lower temperatures, our bodies produce more melatonin (which regulates sleep) and less serotonin (the feel-good hormone). The result? More yawning and Netflix- binging, and less passionate romps under the covers.

Also, when it’s freezing outside, blood vessels constrict to keep your core warm, which can impact circulation to, well, other important places. For men, this might mean a temporary dip in performance, while for women, less blood flow can decrease arousal and sensitivity. It’s biology’s way of saying, “Let’s just take a rain check until spring.”

The Wallet Effect: When Finances Get in Bed With You

Now, let’s add another chilly ingredient: money stress. In 2023, a study published by the American Psychological Association found that 72% of adults reported money as a major stressor. That stress doesn’t just keep you up at night—it can also follow you into the bedroom. Financial anxiety triggers cortisol, the body’s primary stress hormone. Cortisol is fantastic for surviving lion attacks, but not so great for date night.

High cortisol levels have been shown to suppress sexual desire in both men and women. And let’s be honest, it’s hard to feel sexy when you’re mentally calculating your electricity bill during foreplay. Despite turning off the geyser and banning the use of heaters, my electricity bill has increased significantly. Couples can also experience tension when money is tight. Arguments over spending, debt, or financial priorities can erode emotional intimacy, which is a key ingredient for sexual intimacy. According to a UK survey by relationship charity Relate, money worries are one of the top three causes of relationship strain, right up there with communication issues and infidelity.  In short, nothing says “mood killer” quite like a letter of demand.

Love on Ice: Relationship Woes in Winter

Winter and money stress form a frosty double act that can send relationships into hibernation mode. One partner might retreat emotionally, while the other feels rejected. Communication breaks down, intimacy fades, and before you know it, you’re in a relationship deep freeze.

But it’s not all doom and gloom! Experts say there are plenty of ways to warm things up without jetting off to the Maldives (although, if you have the means, we highly recommend it).

Turning Up the Heat: Tips for Rekindling Romance

Embrace the Hygge Life:The Danish concept of “hygge” (pronounced hoo-gah) is all about cozy contentment. Think candles, warm blankets, soft socks, and quality time. Create a winter haven at home—light a fire (or a YouTube fireplace), make some spiced wine, and snuggle under the covers. Emotional closeness boosts oxytocin levels, the “bonding hormone,” which can pave the way for physical intimacy.

Talk About the Money Elephant in the Room

It might feel awkward, but open communication about finances can actually strengthen your relationship. Set aside time to talk about your budget, goals, and fears—without blame or shame. Being on the same page financially can reduce stress and increase trust, making it easier to relax and connect in other ways.

Get Moving—Together

Exercise isn’t just good for your health; it’s also good for your sex drive. Physical activity boosts endorphins and improves circulation (including to the parts that matter). Try a winter walk, dance in your living room, or do a yoga class together (International Yoga Day is coming up and an NPO I know is running a Fundraiser Starter Class, if you’d like to know more you can email me on [email protected].

The shared activity can create intimacy and laughter—a great aphrodisiac. 

Don’t Underestimate the Power of Touch

Even if you’re not feeling particularly frisky, physical touch—like holding hands, cuddling, or giving a massage—can help rekindle desire. Touch increases oxytocin and lowers cortisol, easing stress and deepening connection. Plus, who doesn’t love a good foot rub after a long day?

Reignite the Playfulness

When life gets serious, sex can feel like another task on the to-do list.  Bring back a sense of fun and spontaneity. Share silly memes, flirt via text, or try something new in the bedroom (or outside of it—just keep the heater on). Laughter is one of the best ways to reconnect.

When to Seek Help

If libido problems or relationship issues persist, it might be worth chatting to a professional. Therapists, sexologists, or relationship coaches, like me, can help you explore underlying issues and guide you toward more fulfilling intimacy. Remember, it’s normal for desire to ebb and flow—especially during difficult times. But you don’t have to accept a frozen love life as your new normal.With some intentional effort (and maybe a hot toddy or two), you and your partner can rediscover your spark—even if the weather outside is frightful.

The Bottom Line

Cold weather and financial worries can definitely impact your libido and relationship dynamics, but they’re not the end of romance. In fact, winter can be the perfect season to slow down, reconnect, and find warmth in each other—no electricity bill required. So, if you find yourself more interested in fleece pyjamas than lace lingerie, don’t despair. You’re not broken—you’re just human. The good news? With a little creativity and care, you can warm up your love life long before spring returns. Now, pass the hot chocolate. Or better yet—pour two mugs and take it to bed.