Sharon Gordon is the brains behind the Lola Montez Brand leads the adult entertainment Industry and has revolutionised the way business is done.
Image: File picture
Every week, I sit down to write this column and a familiar doubt creeps in: Have I said all this before? But then I remember that intimacy is a moving target. Whether you’re a new reader or someone who has been with me since the beginning, the landscape of how we love and who we love, is shifting beneath our feet.
Recently, my partner and I went away for a weekend. We’ve been together for over 20 years, and as we looked out at the horizon of 2026, we had one of those "state of the union" talks. You know the ones. Because let’s be honest: whether you’ve been together for 30 years or just two, there comes a time when every move is choreographed.
You know the routine. Two flicks of the nipple and a slap on the ass means sex is on the menu, and you’d better start getting your mind into the game. You know the transaction (and often it feels like exactly that) is going to last somewhere between one and eleven minutes. Time it. You’ll see I’m right.
Don’t you wish you could revive that intense, heady desire of your teens? That "first love" energy that made you want to be naked every spare second?
For many of us, the thought of getting naked today feels like one demand too many.
But change doesn't happen overnight; it requires "baby steps." For me, it was returning to exercise. It took three months, but I’m finally starting to feel, and look, like myself again. That's the physical side. The emotional side? That starts with a conversation.
I saw a meme recently that hit home: If you are too afraid to ask for what you want or reveal your truth, you might not be in the right relationship. Lately, I’ve been researching a trend that honestly alarms me: the rise of AI companionship (read last week’s column). People are becoming so fatigued by the "friction" of human dating, the ghosting, the judgments, the effort, that they are turning to chatbots for "romantic" bonds. These AI partners are programmed to never judge, never argue, and always be "on."
But that’s not a relationship; that’s an echo chamber.
If you are feeling isolated or bored in your long-term relationship, don't trade your human partner for a silicon one. Instead, trade your old routines for new tools. I’m talking about sensual technology.
We use technology to make every other part of our lives better. We drive instead of walking; we have dishwashers, microwaves, and smartphones that govern our entire social existence. Yet, for some reason, the bedroom remains a "tech-free" zone for many.
When I suggest introducing toys, I often see a wall of fear. Men, in particular, worry that a toy will be "more proficient" than them. (And yes, some are!) But a toy isn't a replacement; it’s an enhancement. You don't start with a giant dildo that looks like a threat; you start with "sensual technology" designed for play.
Think of a remote-control egg. It’s the business! It will have you giggling and squirming with pleasure at the same time. This isn't about failing your partner; it's about upgrading the experience. It’s the difference between a Nokia and an iPhone. Remember how nervous you were to switch? Two days later, you wondered why you waited so long.
How to start the talk: Don't bring this up in bed when you’re in the middle of the "short strokes" like a horny teenager. Talk in a safe place. My favourite? The car. You don’t have to look at each other; you can both look at the road. Start small: "I was reading Sharon’s column in the Saturday Star and she mentioned this new air-pulse technology... what do you think?"
You have to be specific. Put yourself on the line. If your partner is conservative, remind them that this isn't a critique of their skill, it's an investment in your shared fun.
Whether it’s a simple bullet or a high-end brand like Womanizer or We-Vibe with whisper-quiet motors and medical-grade silicone, the goal is the same: to move at the pace of the person with the most fear, and to eventually move together.
At Lola Montez, we help you identify the right fit without fear or favour. You can call us, visit us online.
Don't let your relationship become a transaction, and don't let the "safety" of AI replace the beautiful, messy reality of human touch. Play together. That’s what it’s all about.
Email me at [email protected] or visit www.lolamontez.co.za