January is full of promises. Gym contracts are signed, cupboards are cleared, and intentions are loudly declared. But while we are busy resetting our bodies and budgets, many of us carry the same relationship habits into the new year, some of them quietly toxic, most of them deeply ingrained.
The truth is, relationships rarely break down because of one dramatic event. They erode slowly through small, repeated behaviours that no longer serve the partnership we’re trying to build.
Toxic behaviour doesn’t always look like shouting, betrayal, or cruelty. More often, it’s subtle. Eye-rolling instead of listening. Avoiding difficult conversations. Keeping score. Assuming your partner “should know better by now.” Withholding affection as punishment. Or scrolling on your phone while your partner talks about their day.
These habits don’t mean you’re in a bad relationship. They mean you’re human and possibly overdue for an update. The Good News About Change
You don’t need a complete relationship overhaul to see meaningful improvement. Research and real-life experience both show that one small, consistent change, practised daily, can dramatically shift intimacy, communication, and emotional safety over time.
So instead of trying to “fix” your partner or your entire relationship, here’s one powerful place to start. The One Small Change: Replace Reaction with Curiosity. This year, make a conscious decision to pause before reacting and choose curiosity instead. When your partner says or does something that irritates, disappoints, or hurts you, your instinct may be to defend, attack, withdraw, or shut down. That reaction often feels justified, but it usually escalates disconnection.
Curiosity sounds like:
“Help me understand what you meant by that.”
“What’s really going on for you right now?”
“I’m feeling triggered; can we slow this down?”
Unfortunately, my knee-jerk reaction is – ‘Should I kill you now or a little later?’ Not good, try
the alternative.
Curiosity interrupts blame. It lowers defensiveness. It creates space for honesty instead of power struggles. If you practise this one shift consistently, especially during conflict, you may notice fewer arguments, quicker repairs, and a renewed sense that you are on the same team. By December, this small habit can fundamentally change how safe and seen both partners feel in the relationship.
Why This Works
Toxic patterns thrive on automatic responses. Curiosity requires presence. It invites empathy. It signals emotional maturity and respect, two things that fuel desire and long-term intimacy far more than perfection ever could. And perhaps most importantly, curiosity reminds us that the person we love is not the problem; the pattern is.
A Gentle Challenge
This week, notice just one moment where you would normally react. Pause. Breathe. Ask a curious question instead. That’s it. One moment. One question. One small change. Love doesn’t need grand gestures to grow, although it would be bloody nice once in a while! Sometimes, it just needs us to show up a little differently than we did before. Healthy relationships aren’t built on perfect partners; they’re built on people willing to grow.
Next week I’ll share creative “Small Change” ideas you can use to overhaul your relationship in 2026. This week you can overhaul your relationship with me by following, liking and sharing me on my business socials – please!
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