As South Africa faces rising levels of gender-based violence, emotional neglect, and socio-economic struggles, experts are warning that young boys are being left behind - with devastating consequences.

With International Day of the Boy Child approaching on May 16, a panel discussion hosted by Pheli FM’s Lerato LeeLove Maila brought together key voices to address the challenges of raising young men in South Africa.

Panelists included Deputy Minister Mmapaseka Steve Letsike, Nkosinathi Moshoana (COO of Primestars), Matsetsebale Tleane (MD of Agape Youth Movement), and top student Kgotso Ramabetha shared their insights on the struggles boys face, the impact of absent fathers, and the urgent need for mentorship and guidance in shaping responsible young men.

The absence of positive role models

One of the key concerns raised was the absence of strong male figures in young boys’ lives and the long-term consequences of single-parent households. Letsike emphasised that the government has a responsibility to provide support for vulnerable children, including young men who often feel diminished or bullied.

“That pain, if not released in a positive environment, comes out in a destructive manner — either through violence or through emotional withdrawal, leaving their future partners to suffer,” she warned.

While acknowledging the crucial role of mothers in raising boys, she stressed: “A mother cannot replace a father and that men must take responsibility for their sons. Without strong male guidance, young men risk growing up without the emotional intelligence needed to navigate life in a healthy way.”

The power of mentorship and seeking help

Mentorship was highlighted as a key tool in raising good men. Nkosinathi Moshoana, COO of Primestars, a company that specializes in facilitating youth development programmes for high school learners from underserved communities.

pointed out that many fathers struggle to guide their sons because they themselves were raised in environments that did not teach emotional intelligence or positive masculinity.

“There is an assumption that wisdom comes with age,” he said, “but if adult men were raised in the same environment, they cannot give new advice.”

He stressed the importance of breaking this cycle by encouraging young men to seek help. However, cultural expectations often prevent boys from expressing their emotions or asking for guidance.

“Men and fathers need to show their weaknesses to young men—to show them that it’s okay to have emotions,” Moshoana explained. “Holding in emotions is negative.”

Social media’s influence on young men

The role of social media was also discussed, with concerns raised over its potential to influence young boys in negative ways. Moshoana noted that violence and negativity attract attention online and that both society and government have a collective responsibility to promote positive narratives.

“There is a need for action from both social development and central government to ensure young men are exposed to positive influences,” he said.

Recognising the role of mothers in mentorship

While male mentors are essential, Matsetsebale Tleane, MD of Agape Youth Movement, a youth-led non-profit organisation based in Gauteng, that focuses on areas such as building safer schools, environmental sustainability, and entrepreneurship, emphasised that mothers play a crucial role in shaping young men.

“Acknowledging the role of mothers in mentorship is a step forward,” he said. “As much as young men rely on guidance from other men, we must not underestimate the role of mothers.”

Tleane also encouraged young men to take personal responsibility for their growth: “The responsibility also lies within. Young men must see the possibilities within themselves and want to achieve more.”

A young man’s perspective: Education is the way forward

Offering a first-hand perspective, Kgotso Ramabetha, a top student who was raised by a single mother, reinforced the importance of education in building a better future.

“My main ambition is to make my mother proud,” he said. “And the only way I can achieve this is by being consistent—especially in my studies.”

His advice to other young men was to avoid negative influences and believe in their dreams, despite the challenges they may face.

“Ignore the ‘dream killers’—those who say your aspirations cannot be achieved,” he urged.

The way forward and a call to action

As South Africa prepares to mark International Day of the Boy Child, the discussion served as a powerful reminder that raising emotionally intelligent, responsible, and successful young men requires collective effort.

From stronger family structures and mentorship to better access to education and emotional support, the panelists agreed that real change starts with action.

By providing boys with the tools they need to grow into well-rounded men, South Africa can create a stronger, healthier society for future generations.

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Raising boys in South Africa: An urgent call for mentorship, guidance, and support

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